Nothing Says I love you more than toilet paper roll
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January 28, 2020
Everyone knows, there are only two types of Valentine’s Day cards worth getting.
We can’t help you with the first kind—we used up all our Elmer’s glue by smearing it all over our hands and then peeling it off.
But we can ABSOLUTELY help you with #2. (It’s kind of our thing, man.)
Why not mix it up this year with an unexpected / oddly specific expression of your love?
All these cards are blank inside, so you can decide exactly how much (or how little) sappy love juice you want to put inside.
P.S. (That’s what she said.)
For when your relationship is “endgame”
Let your sweetheart know you’re in it for the long haul with this sweet sentiment that doesn’t beat around the bush. (wink)
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“I Licked It, So It’s Mine”
Remember when you were a kid, and you were at a birthday party, and you reaaaaally wanted that one particular piece of cake, so you licked it so nobody else could steal it from you? (It was the 8-year old version of calling shotgun.)
Well. This is like that. But with penises instead of cake.
Thank your boo for what really counts
Sure, you could say thank you for all the emotional support, laughter, being a great parent, etc. … bo-ring! Let’s get our priorities straight, ladies.
I 💗Annoying You
The mark of a really great relationship is: trust? Finishing each other’s sentences? Regular date nights? Making each other laugh?
Nah. It’s your singular ability to annoy each other like no one else on the planet is capable of. Whether we do it on purpose (FUN!) or not (still kind of fun), calling ourselves out is a lovely way to acknowledge your long-suffering partner. :)
For when you want to acknowledge Valentine’s Day, but you’re not feelin’ a dirty joke or a long, emotional outpouring.
Nothing wrong with keepin’ it simple.
For when you really just need your burrito filled
Yep—pretty straightforward. We don’t have much to add to that one.
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What even IS a doily? Does anyone actually use them for any other purpose? We need to know.
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March 26, 2020
Let’s get right into it. There are a lot of… unforeseen side effects of a global health crisis.
Like, when you’re the CFO of a medium-sized startup company, but then you have to work from home, and also teach 2nd grade. Or when the catering manager of a large grocery store chain suddenly becomes a first responder, because grocery stores are CRAZY TOWN right now.
There’s a lot going on right now, and much of it is pretty grim. As usual, Seymour Butz is here to provide a bit of levity in an otherwise serious time.
March 12, 2020
March 05, 2020
Hooray! Your friend(s) recently purchased a new home! And boooo — that means you have to pick out ANOTHER housewarming present. Do your top three ideas involve plants, candles, artisan bread, and/or a bottle of wine?
So we did you a favor and pulled together 7 hilarious housewarming gift ideas that NO ONE else will think of.