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November 07, 2019
Have you heard? They’re saying 40 is the new 30!
No, wait. 50 is also the new 30?
You don’t stop playing because you grow old; you grow old because you stop playing. Oh—and life begins at 70.
There are about eleventy billion of these warmed over, vaguely insulting clichés about aging. (See also: “You’re 50?! I never would’ve guessed!” and “Wow! I thought you were younger!” and something about dressing “age appropriate.”)
Here’s the thing, though—
Youth? Is highly overrated.
Sure, we’d all like to have our 20-year-old metabolisms back, and sleep past 7am sometimes, and we’d rather squint at our screens all day long than admit we need reading glasses.
(Just do it, boo. Your eyes will be so much happier.)
And yes, there are lots of things that are easier for younger people than older people—like skateboarding, and whatever SnapChat is—but those are just skills, and skills can be learned and practiced at ANY age.
We might miss our freedom, or our lack of responsibilities, or spending our money on concerts and platform shoes instead of car payments and credit card debt (from all that dumb shit we bought in our twenties. hey-yo!).
But most people, when asked if they’d want to relive their twenties, respond with a resounding “hell no.” We might handle things differently if we got a do-over, but being 21 again?
There are so many reasons why getting older is the absolute best. And unlike SnapChatting, they’re the things that really count…
Your daily allotment of “fucks given” decreases in proportion to your age.
At 40, we care a whole lot less about what other people think and expect of us than we did at 30. (And at 30, we care less than we did at 20. See how that works?)
We get to waste less time doing things we don’t want to do (like baby showers and lame work parties), and we put more energy into the things we DO want to do (like living in an RV for a year, or taking up knitting).
The way this is going, as we hit 50 and beyond the scales will continue to tip toward “zero fucks given.” And we can’t wait!
You know how to do (or not do) a lot more things, a lot better, than you did when you were a dumb 22-year-old. Like…
Having a budget, and using it, and liking it. Setting up a proper campsite, with the right gear and a legit campfire meal. Planning a big event, like a wedding or a high school reunion, or a going away party for your best friend. Making a decent margarita (and/or being mature enough to not drink it in the shower).
And that’s just for starters. Adulting isn’t all bad.
Karaoke is suddenly the most fun thing ever.
Karaoke in your 20s is a drunken shit show you barely remember. Karaoke in your 40s is an unselfconscious celebration of your inner rock star. That 90s nostalgia kicks in, the crowd’s on your side, and you can’t imagine why you never got around to starting a band.
(Psst—click here for an awesome karaoke mix. 🎸)
You get to laugh at yourself for turning into your mom and/or dad… but you also get to do things your way.
Look. I’ve got an open issue of Vanity Fair on my bathroom floor—and my mom has an open issue of Vanity Fair on her bathroom floor. We both like crossword puzzles, and we both suck at taking criticism.
You can’t avoid turning into your parents. But you DO get to break their unhealthy cycles and handle your life however you see fit.
Which means, all those ways you swore you’d never be like your parents? You’ll get about fifty percent. 🤷🏻
You finally (mostly) understand that there’s no finish line, perfection is a myth, and everyone else is way too wrapped up in their own bullshit to care very much about whatever you’re doing / wearing / saying.
Yep. You’ve got nothin’ to prove, baby. You can stop running around like an overachieving lunatic now.
What’s your favorite thing about getting older?
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March 26, 2020
Let’s get right into it. There are a lot of… unforeseen side effects of a global health crisis.
Like, when you’re the CFO of a medium-sized startup company, but then you have to work from home, and also teach 2nd grade. Or when the catering manager of a large grocery store chain suddenly becomes a first responder, because grocery stores are CRAZY TOWN right now.
There’s a lot going on right now, and much of it is pretty grim. As usual, Seymour Butz is here to provide a bit of levity in an otherwise serious time.
March 12, 2020
March 05, 2020
Hooray! Your friend(s) recently purchased a new home! And boooo — that means you have to pick out ANOTHER housewarming present. Do your top three ideas involve plants, candles, artisan bread, and/or a bottle of wine?
So we did you a favor and pulled together 7 hilarious housewarming gift ideas that NO ONE else will think of.